Archives: February 2003
Mon Feb 24, 2003
The Artists Among Us
Because of a post by Monica, I think of these things...
Years ago, i was comforted by a poem "A Man to Gentle to Live Among Wolves,"
or some such title. I found it easily on the web not too long ago. It
speaks volumes about the task of living with inner intensity.
It is my firm belief and experience that the soul of the artist is a
place of the deepest angst, a well wherein lies the highest ecstasy and
the deepest despair, a spiritual tempest from which the violent winds
wail, unleashing that which becomes the gentle breeze that refreshes
and cleanses the less tortured lives. Driven by a force that
simultaneously wrings us dry and refills our emptiness, the artist
endures much for the creation of corporate beauty. It is a difficult
role, and often it's course is aborted and set down by those destined
to bare it. Yet, for those who endure, those who lay claim to the task
and welcome the weather of the pained life... the gift is beyond belief.
That is my belief, Monica the Artist.
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new blog! show some luv!
Someone who has been around a while has a new blog and a new start on this blogging thing. His writing is honest, upfront and real. Check out Vita.
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Sun Feb 23, 2003
One of my favorite songs..
I've been working even more than usual, lately. Job #1 has taken me to
the coast of NC and back while Job #2 is having a "Going Out Of
Buisness Sale" that has worked me 18 hours in the past two days. I'm
tired, but feeling ok. I did make a meeting Friday...whew...I;m glad to
be back with the program. Wifey and I have had some good moments the
last few days. I have a good life.
For some reason, I find myself drawn, again, to this song.... I first heard it as it was recorded by Jimmy Buffett. It is wonderfully poetic and hauntingly beautiful.
Pacing The Cage
Sunset is an angel weeping
Holding out a bloody sword
No matter how I squint I cannot
Make out what it's pointing toward
Sometimes you feel like you live too long
Days drip slowly on the page
You catch yourself
Pacing the cage
I've proven who I am so many times
The magnetic strip's worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And every one was taken in
Powers chatter in high places
Stir up eddies in the dust of rage
Set me to pacing the cage
I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It's as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you'll wind up
Pacing the cage
Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land
For the coming of the outbound stage
Pacing the cage
Pacing the cage
-Bruce Cockburn
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Thu Feb 20, 2003
she's leaving...
She turned, glanced over her shoulder, across the red silk of her
blouse, rippled by the tilt of her head. Her eyes, clear and moist,
seem to find mine, and I felt a stirring of hope, of long absent wonder
rise within me. I wondered about speaking to her, a word to break the
transparent walls of unknowing that divided us and made us strangers.
my mind raced to summon words...
She turned, her hair sliding back into place along her back, bouncing, in some distant rythum of song.
and she was gone.
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Wed Feb 19, 2003
No Place like Home
after a wonderful trip to the coast, i've been back at work for two days. busy, busy, busy.
i really need a meeting. as nice as the trip was, the business portion
of it was nonstop and i'm ready for a bit of a mental break. meetings,
routine, balance are all a big help for me.
i began the day today with my regular routine: bike ride, healthy
breakfast, shower...took my daughter to school and at the office by
7:45.
i feel good and it is good to be home. Gizmo was about to jump out of
his fur, he was so happy to see me. my kids called me several times
yesterday. they are glad i am home. and wifey, well, her skin seems
softer and her kisses more luscious... i am very glad for my family and
my life today.
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Sun Feb 16, 2003
Coastal Serenity
I’m still at the coast. Last few days have confirmed what I already
knew...I must live at the beach! I have sand and surf running through
my veins.
It may interest you to know that I have spent the last three days with
two other men, here at the coast on business. Contrary to current myth,
we have not
been drinking, chasing woman, visiting strip clubs, and eating lots of
high fat foods. In fact, our work has been conducted in the midst of
conversations about family, ethics, and the value of personal
integrity. Strange...the circumstances that have brought us together.
Oh, we have also laughed a lot.
The novelty of waking to an unobstructed view of dune and surf each
morning remains an inspiration. I am at peace here...in the environment
of my 'roots.' Having grown up just a few miles from here, the beach is
always a homecoming. --Deep breath—
I had a wonderfully brisk, one hour walk this morning. The skies are
overcast, but we still haven't seen any rain. The gulls, cardinals, and
sand pipers greeted me as I walked in a hypnotic rhythm. The salt air
feels like it cleanses my lungs and with very few people here on the
island today, I found a serenity that is just shy of bliss. I wish
everyone could know this moment...it is this internal peace that offers
me hope for humanity to find an external way of living in cooperation
and acceptance with each other.
For now, I will simply enjoy this morning serenity for as long as it blesses my day.
Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years
ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this
world.
--Robert F. Kennedy
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Fri Feb 14, 2003
Sunrise this morning...
the sun radiating across dunes, ocean breezes tossing the sea oats, the rythum of the waves finding shore...
i may die here, happy. NOW!
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Thu Feb 13, 2003
Kiss the Donkey?
received this from a friend via email today.
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on
the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some
people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy
was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so
they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more
people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent
donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry
the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the
animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass good-bye.
More...
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Live Dog Walking...
the Dog has been walked.
and i thank you for pawing at my blog and reminding me! --grins--
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Wed Feb 12, 2003
Good Morning World!
I'm busy today getting rready for my trip to the coast. All in all, I'm
good with the trip. I did talk with my sponsor about how there will be
a good bit of drinking and 'club-ing' going on among the 'men' (read
males on the prowl while out of town) in my group. I have some clear
quidlines to follow, thanks to my sponsor and the Program. It is all
about being safe and making wise choices.
I feel fit this morning. After a nice bike ride (indoors) and some VH1 watching, I feel readyt o take on the day! --ROAR!--
Perhaps more later...I feel a poem in the mix!
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Mon Feb 10, 2003
Theo's World - Episide 9892, Anti-Golf
Short weekend for me... After working Saturday, and working at job #2
on Sunday, I feel like i didn't have a break...but, I’m good...just
rolling along.
I did find time to watch a movie with wifey this weekend. In The Bedroom is an emotional ride. Like Susan, I’m still living with the images and haunting reality of the film.
I’m preparing for a business trip to the Carolina coast this week. One
of the owners of job #1's company and i are headed to the Carolina's
PGA Apparel show.
Funny thing...here I am selling golf apparel and spending the week at a golf apparel show, and I don't even play golf. lol!
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Sat Feb 08, 2003
happy to be here?
i arrived here at 8:45 this morning, a Saturday morning. i am context,
happy, even excited to be here. i am looking forward to spending some
time with friends that i nornally do not see on Saturdays. i am looking
forward to the task before me.
the strange thing is, i am at work (Job#1).
--grins--
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Fri Feb 07, 2003
Domestic Disturbance, cont.
I had dinner, as is my routine on Thursday evenings, with my kids (son
- 13, daughter 15). We talked...a lot. Most of our conversation was
pertaining to how they are both really struggling with their mother
right now. It was a good conversation, albeit painful.
I now better understand my children and see how they are growing so
rapidly into young adults. I’m proud of them both. I do wish that their
mother would lighten up and allow them a little breathing room.
For those of you who commented below...thanks for your care, counsel and concern.
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Thu Feb 06, 2003
Domestic Disturbance
I admit it. I’m old. Most nights wifey and I head to bed at about 10 pm
on week days. I am resolved that I need my rest in order to exercise,
work, and be a good father and husband. My household needs the routine
and the serenity that routine provides.
My kids, who live with there mom ('SHE" who must not be named) know
this. In the past I had some problems with my kids calling my house
late at night. This call was usually motivated by an argument of global
proportions between one of them and their mom ('SHE" who must not be
named). Let me interject here, these chaotic emotional explosions are
one of the significant reasons that SHE (who must not be named) and I
are no longer married.
The late night calls have, in the past, been very disruptive to my
household. Wifey gets affected. I get overrun by feelings...it just
ain't a pretty sight. With guidance from my sponsor, a child/family
therapist and 'encouragement' (read 'ultimatum') from wifey, I had
demanded that my kids NOT call after ten o'clock unless there is:
blood, broken bones and they need a ride to the doctor. I haven't
received any of those late night chaos calls in about a year.
More...
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Tue Feb 04, 2003
Fins to the Left
Last night Ms. Theo and I went to the Jimmy Buffett concert in Raliegh, NC. After 30+ years of being a listening Buffett fan, I finally got to see him in concert.
I am tired, sleepy, and wonderfully satisfied. If you have ever
fulfilled a simple dream and found it more enjoyable than you had
imagined, then you know how I feel today.
This concert was a Christmas gift from wifey. This concert was the best Christmas gift i have ever been given!
"Fins to the left. Fins to the right..."
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Mon Feb 03, 2003
Lacking Resolution...
I haven’t posted here since the Columbia tragedy. My prayers are with
all of those who feel the loss. Human life is very precious and when
lives are lost so publicly, I am reminded of just how precious and
fleeting our human existence can be.
I often catch myself assuming that the norm, the right of human life is
to live long and be healthy. I get the desire of such living confused
with the reality of experience. Perhaps it is because I have not died,
that I cling to the illusion that life is meant to be like a Norman
Rockwell painting: serene, peaceful, without tragedy.
Long years of bliss and a healthy body are not a given in this world.
Human lives are often short lived, tragic, and filled with pain. The
meaning of human existence is lost when I try to define its success in
terms of length and quality of life. I do much better, and seem to find
more acceptance and peace, when I ponder life’s value along the lines
of lessons learned and caring deeds offered.
Cannot a disease teenager in Africa whose life ends before adulthood,
have a life of equal value and meaning as a 100 year old woman in
Maine, if they each live with love and care toward others and
themselves? Is not goodness present equally in the unselfishness of a
child and the selflessness of a political leader? The value of humanity
is found in who we are and how we treat one another, no matter how long
or short our lives.
I want to say more here. I want to speak of a higher perspective, a
perspective that explains how life is better this way. I wish I could
paint a verbal picture that allows for some analogical parallel between
the artist and his/her creative work and human life and the divine
force behind it. Yet, short of simple euphemisms and religious liturgy,
I am at a loss. Still, within my heart, I almost understand that life
as it is, is as it should be. I feel, within the depths of my spirit,
faith. It is faith that I proclaim today.
Thus, I find some comfort today.
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Sat Feb 01, 2003
The Web of Consideration
Monica
is dealing with some further issues regarding blogging, bloggers'
behavior and the quest for autonomy. I'm grateful for her post. This is
the second time she has moved me to post about blogging.
A thought...
I began blogging for me (my thoughts, feelings, ramblings, etc) in
order to deal with my life and me. Once others entered in and I began
the never-ending drama of CONSIDERATION of others as I wrote I’ve
noticed that my writing changed. I really haven't stopped to analyze
how it changed. I don't know how much that change is simply changes in
me, and how much is a reaction to consideration...
My point?
More...
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