Archives: March 2003
Mon Mar 31, 2003
Moving on up...XP
I'm upgrading my company laptop's operating system to Windows XP today. As with all change...
ugh.
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Sat Mar 29, 2003
End of the day Ramblings...
Long day at work...job #2. after 13 hours of selling furniture, I’m
ready to get off my feet and...I hear one more person ask me for a
price on anything....I will SCREAM!!!
My kids are having a good weekend. Pizza two nights in a row, and they
have taken over the den with video games and PC time, the sink in the
kitchen in filled with dirty dishes and glasses, the kitchen trash can
is running over, and the dogs seem very happy to have laps to sleep in
and dirty plates to lick...
The great thing is, tomorrow, when I go to work, all have to do is ask
them to clean things up, and viola, the house will be back to normal
when I get home. I have great kids.
Speaking of which...
More...
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Fri Mar 28, 2003
Theo's World - Episide 9893, Spring Flinging
Good morning world! It is a lovely morning here in Theo land. The skies
are blue and the sun is hard at work warming every cranny of the day,
teasing folded leaves into opening and lustful buds into full blown
passion. Ah! I do love spring.
Wifey is leaving with her youngest to go to a competative cheerleading
event in SC thiis weekend. The negative: no wifey for Theo... --pouts
and frowns--- The positive: I get some quality time with my kids this
weekend. They always like it when it is just me and them...the rules
are a bit more relaxed (we eat downstairs in front of the TV, wash
dishes only once a day, order pizza just cause we want to, etc.).
I have several BIG items to finish here at Job #1 this morning. Later,
I am having lunch with my sponsor. This has the makings of a wonderful
day.
AND, why not drop by two of my favorite blogs: Eyesicle, home of my web-mistress, Trinty, and Leigh over at prismofwhispers.
Trinity remains one of my main reads because of her total honesty and
blatant humanity. Don't go to eyesicle expecting watered down, sappy
posts.
Leigh keeps my interest with her creativity and her constantly changing
designs. Her currrent design is my favorite - heck...i think i'm in
love with the dang graphic! --hangs tongue out side of mouth-- gonna go
look again! cya.
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Wed Mar 26, 2003
A Celebration of Mom
Yesterday was my mother’s birthday. She is 70 years old.
When I was six, my father died of a massive heart attack. He held on in
a comma for 24 hrs and then was gone. My mother was left with three
children, (my sister, 12, brother 7 and me, 6) to ‘raise’ as she sorted
through life without her partner. Fortunately, she had the support of
her family (mother, father and brother), dysfunctional as we all were,
to help her through.
I cannot begin to recount the sacrifices that my mother made for us,
her children. We all were given good educations, the security of food,
clothing, and home and, more than anything else…my mother shared her
soul with us.
More...
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Tue Mar 25, 2003
Crazy Man in Crazy Times...
My life today is full; very, very full.
I’ve been working sixty + hours/week (over seven days) for about
five weeks now. I can tell I am getting a bit burned out. Fortunately,
wifey, her girls and I are headed on a trip to Tallahassee, FL the
first weekend in April, so I will get a bit of a break.
Until then, it is ‘steady as she goes.’
I went to a meeting last evening and saw my sponsor. I couldn’t help
feeling like I have been slack in my program the past few weeks. I have
been making two-three meetings each week, but that is all I have been
doing. I haven’t really chatted with my sponsor in several weeks, and I
haven’t chaired a meeting in forever…much less done any other service
work. I feel like I’m stealing from the program! And then there is that
Step work that is calling from the folder in my backpack… (Must not
listen! must resist!).
More...
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Mon Mar 24, 2003
still at war... still feeling the torment...
Silent Screaming
Ripped asunder
Passion chained and scorned
Within a desire buried
Blood filled cravings
Cry, conflict, strife, anger
Words unspeakable
Thoughts that cannot find expression
The frozen scream of despair
Within my throat
Whispers a prayer
Unheard
-Theo
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Jazz - Jazz - Jazz! All That Jazz!
I went with wifey to see Chicago this weekend. Wonderful film! In
the midst of an entertaining story, I was taken by the use of Broadway
style musical numbers to communicate the personalities and drama of the
character's lives as they traveled through various
viewpoints...yada..yada. The music was delightful, passionate and truly
JAZZ!
Last night we went to a local Jazz Club, Speak Easy Jazz, and
heard an amazing young talent, Ms. Becca Stevens. Becca is a nineteen
years old firecracker with a voice that moves from velvet smooth to
cat-scat hot! She lacks a bit in her stage presence, but, she's only
19. She is a recent graduate of the North Carolina School of the Arts
and is scheduled to study in New York at a Jazz institute. Mark my
words; her's is a name that you will see "in lights" one day.
Man! I love good JAZZ!!!
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Fri Mar 21, 2003
Silent Screaming
Today, more than usual, my heart aches...I want to scream, but can't.
I was sitting in my car, stopped at a major intersection here in town,
and began to look at the faces of the 50-75 people gathered there on
the side of the road. As they stood there, holding candles and signs
announcing their point of view about the recent war in Iraq, I began to
see the faces of several people that I knew. I thought about their
families, their beliefs, the conversations we have had, and I felt
empathy for them. The light changed and I drove by and back to Job #1.
There, in our little assembly of showroom and office spaces, I met one
of my colleagues. I spoke to her casually about the grouping of people
that I had seen up the street. I felt my heart ache as I spoke even
these few words. She heard my words as a ‘call to arms’, of sorts, and
began to pronounce her views in opposition to the stance of the
street-side group. My heart broke.
It is a terrible thing to stand among people of varied views and
witness their battles with one another. If we pay attention, we can see
that we live in a war daily. An existence where people of good intent
and strong belief disagree and angrily attack those of differing
beliefs. More...
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Thu Mar 20, 2003
Treat Yourself
I know there are a lot of these out there, but, this one really impacted me this morning... For a touch of peace and serenity in your day, view Pathways To Peace.
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Tue Mar 18, 2003
Theo Speaks!
I recorded a wave file of me reading the theme statement above (“There
is a moment…”) and downloaded it to this site. You can hear it by
clicking the link “There is a Moment”
on the right side bar. I thought it might be fun to ‘speak’ to you! You
may have to listen through it once and then play it again in order for
it to play at the right speed. Let me know if it works for you, or not.
If this works, I might share some other ‘readings’ in the future.
I await your all knowing and wise collective experience…
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Mon Mar 17, 2003
Sat Mar 15, 2003
Quick update...
I'm just back from taking my son to school (they have a Saturday school
day today to make up for a snow day), and I'm off to work at Job #2 in
a few...
The possible Church job is still up in the air, as I am waiting to hear
back for the Senior Pastor. The waiting is easy. I don't have to DO
anything. ;=P
Last Thursday's Poetry Slam was fantastic! I did read a couple of poems during the open mike ('Red House Talking' and 'I Want To Bleed'),
and they both seem to be received well. The antics of those who did the
Slam where wonderful: all sorts of word plays and dramatic movements...
I will return!
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Thu Mar 13, 2003
Facing Fear...
I am facing two things today that scare me.
1. I have been contacted by a large Church in this area. The Senior
Pastor there wants to talk with me about a possible job. Why is it that
when I have finally gotten comfortable...gotten a high level of
acceptance...with what I am doing job wise, that the issue of returning
to ministry presents itself all over again. Now I'm once again
struggling with issues of vocational identity and calling...Oh Well.
2. I am attending a "Poetry Slam" this evening. Dare I take advantage
of the 'open mike' and read some of my poems? I get a flipping in my
stomach just thinking about it. I have never shared my poems in any forum more public than this site. Scary!
I'm scared..but, in a good way!
FEAR = Face Everything And Recover!
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Wed Mar 12, 2003
so untimely...
An online friend
experienced a death in her sphere of living, recently. It made me feel
deeply, and remember the times in past years when I have dealt with the
death of youth, whose truncated lives were cut short.
So, I write.
in the gentle fold of a silken fabric, in the momentary crease made
of our shifting thoughts and earthbound movement, rest our dream, our
love, our hope, precariously cradled, draped in an instant of care.
then the fabric ripples with life's motion and we search with worried
eyes and furrowed brow for what remains...
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Tue Mar 11, 2003
Strolling With the Dogma
The Dog has been walked...
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Mon Mar 10, 2003
Regrets I Don’t Have
I heard a song this weekend, sung by Kenny Chesney(see below), which
put my mind to thinking. I hear a good bit about regrets. Those things
that we wish we had done, or dream about doing differently, but I
seldom hear or think enough about the things we are glad we did, those
choices that have made our lives and often the lives of those around us
better.
Here are some of the Regrets I Don’t Have
1. Kissing Cora Westbrook when I was in the sixth grade, even though I knew her big brother would catch us.
2. Getting up early to watch the sunrise anytime, even when it turned out to be a cloudy morning.
3. Sharing life with a dog
4. My first marriage.
5. My first time.
6. Choosing not to keep smoking after I tried it once.
7. My second and current marriage.
8. Exercising when I could be relaxing
9. Loving enough to get hurt.
10. Laughing out loud in the movie.
11. Crying
12. Saying, “I Love You.”
What are the regrets you don’t have?
More...
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Sat Mar 08, 2003
Working Hard for The Money
very tired... another 13 hours at job#2 today....oh, but the money is good!
now for a little time with wifey and then sleep!
i hope this post doesn't get lost in the blog phantom zone like the last two...
later all!
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Thu Mar 06, 2003
Walking the Dogma
One part of my little peace of Blogdom here, is Dogma.
I have decided that I'd like to post there a bit more often. It is good
for me to tell on my faith, my religious beliefs. If you would like to
take that walk with me, then Walk The Dogma.
The Dog has been walked again today...
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Mon Mar 03, 2003
Evening Inspiration and Dogma Delay
I haven't had time to finish the updated post for Dogma, but I plan to handle that tomorrow morning.
I went to a meeting tonight and on the way back, as my mind wandered
through the recovery themes and topics... I was struck by an image that
developed into the words below. I rushed home and typed it out. I might
return to it at some point. I think it has the makings of something.
A Using Dream
Pencil thin wisps of shadows that all but remained hidden in the
brightness of the day have now expanded, blanketing completely all
sensible thought and ushering in the reign of ebony images, now dancing
boldly, bringing fantasies of misshapen deeds and hedonistic dreams,
rampant cravings and tortured souls. How wonderful will be the coming
of morn when panicked eyes blast open, cold sweat streams from clammy
skin and the brightness of a new day will find the shadows trimmed back
to their gaunt selves once again.
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Sun Mar 02, 2003
Exhasted All The Way To The Bank!
I cannot believe how totally exhausted I am! I am fall down, skin and
bone turned to mush, can’t lift my eye lids, Geritol dependent tired!
The furniture store where I work (job#2) part time is having a ‘Going
out of Business” sale and is opened only on weekends. Heretofore, I
have worked one evening each week and on Sunday afternoons. Since the
sale started, I have been working all day Saturday and Sunday. I even
worked this past Friday. So here I sit, tired. After 45 hours on the
job at job #1, and all weekend at job#2… whew!
Confession time: I’ve sold my life to the almighty mammon! That’s
right, I’ve been caught by the color green! “Why”, you might ask, “has
this formally spiritually focused and self caring Theophany person sold
out?” Simple. In the last two weekends, I have earned an extra
$3,000.00! It is the proverbial “make hay while the sun shines” as in a
few weeks, Job#2 will be non existent.
I’ve really missed blog-land. Because of the additional work, and going
to meetings, working longer hours at job#1, and spending a bit of time
with wifey and kids, I haven’t been clicking my way through blogs like
I normally do. I do have an update for Dogma almost ready, and I plan to post that some time tomorrow.
For now…where’s my bed? Never mind, the floor here will do fine…--ka-thump
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