Archives: June 2003
Fri Jun 27, 2003
What A Good Computer Will do...
2001 had Hal.
I've got this. Type in your name as prompted and enjoy!
Good morning all.
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Wed Jun 25, 2003
Dolphin Musing
Using a writers prompt that I found here, I penned these words this morning. My they bring you some of the peace that they brought me this day.
"Write a one-page description of what it would be like to swim with dolphins."
More...
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Sun Jun 22, 2003
June 22, 1964
Thirty-nine years ago today, a 36 year old husband and father of three
died suddenly of a massive heart attack. This man was my father. I was
six years old.
I visited his grave today, along with my son and daughter. It was their
first visit to their grandfather’s graveside. Even though they are
teenagers now, and I never made the conscience choice not to take them
there, today, in its own beautiful combination of time and place, was
the day I chose to share this with them.
Beneath the old live oak trees, draped with Spanish moss, the afternoon
sun’s rays filtered down on us as we stood, quietly. My son spoke first.
TheoSon: This is spooky.
Theo: Why?
TheoSon: There, (he pointed to the grave stone) my name.
My son bares the family name of my maternal and paternal ancestors. So,
the grave plot marker, curiously enough, combined those names in the
same order of his given name.
TheoDaughter: How did he die again?
Theo: My dad had a heart attack, suddenly in the middle of the
night. (I told her this again, although, somehow it was different this
time).
TheoDaughter: Do you remember much about it?
Theo: About my dad…some. I don’t remember much about that night. I was six years old and it all happened so suddenly.
We chatted there a little while. We stood quietly a while. I thought to myself…
Dad, here are your grandkids. I did my best with them. I haven’t
lived a perfect life, not by anyone’s measure, but, I have managed to
grow into some form of a man. The kids are great, and yet, as I stand
here with them, I know that I cannot know or control how they will grow
themselves. They are good kids; full of energy, mischief, wonder and
hope. I wanted to bring them here, to your resting place, so that
somehow, I might just anchor them in the love that you gave to me. Yes.
You gave me more love in those six years than perhaps you can know. For
in both your presence, and your absence, you, my father, have always
called me forth to live, learn and become. It is magic, really. Magical
the way you have been with me, always. Your smile, your laugh, your sly
way…. I have always missed you, it seems. In the absence, in that
eternal ache for your strong hand and guidance, you have in fact been
with me. Today, I am strong, alive, and full of hope. In some ways, I
believe I am just beginning to live. Thank you for giving me this life,
and these kids. I love you, dad. I always will. I will always love
them, too. Thanks.
We left and drove back here to NC, the place that we call home, the
place where, in our own way, we continue this thing called family.
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Wed Jun 18, 2003
Look Homeward Theo
We (wifey, mother-out-law, me and four kids) are headed to visit my
folks down at the South Carolina coast this weekend. As with many of
these 'return to childhood turf' trips, I have mixed feelings.
I have some issues with my step father. He is who he is, and most
bothersome is that he doesn't like me very much. He has his reasons,
many of them very good reasons. I guess that is what is most
disturbing...there are good reasons to question my integrity and
'goodness.' So, he serves as a reflection of my own self-judgment and
criticism. He reminds me of the things about me that I don't like to
remember. I would prefer to think only of myself as nice, trustworthy,
kind, thoughtful, clever, intelligent, creative and loving. These
characteristics are a part of who i am, and much of my daily energy is
directed to promoting this portion of Theo: Theo the Good Man.
Theo the Bad Man also exists. I have, as history has recorded been just
as capable of thoughtless, self-absorbed, destructive, fearful, harmful
deeds as any deeds of kindness. I can be bad.
More...
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Mon Jun 16, 2003
One Reason I Blog...
if i look closely, i see
over smudges on my screen
around smoothed edges of icons
into downloaded photographs
beyond the words of your casual post
through the copied and forawrded jokes
past the Monday Positives
and into your spirit
if i look closely.
-Theo
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Sun Jun 15, 2003
Absent...?
we are all but finished with painting the den this weekend. attempting
to turn dark-old-seventies paneling into 'ocean mist.' new carpet and
tile coming in two weeks, so...it has turned out nice...light,
refreshing.
i'm truly looking foraward to the complete renovation. of course, now
all of our furniture will look like crap. pity my job at the furniture
store ended two weeks ago...--sigh--
more later on the vocational front. but, the interview Friday went very
well. all systems go. i need to relfect on this situation some
here..maybe tomorrow.
dinner time. bye.
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Wed Jun 11, 2003
New Vocational Horizons?
I don’t know where to start today.
First and foremost on my mind is a new job possibility. I have been
volunteering for several years at a residential recovery center here in
town. I have also been the chair for the 12 step meetings there in the
past, for about 2 years. The center is a Christian program and I have
preached there on many evenings as a part of their weekly worship
experience.
I have asked about employment there in the past, particularly since
they had a change in Directors last year, but I have always met the
road block of “We need you, but we don’t have the money for the
position.” Finally, (and I have no idea why I didn’t think of this
before) I talked with the Executive Director and offer to raise the
money they need to hire me, and proposed a fund raiser/Spiritual
Director position. He jumped at the idea and we are meeting this Friday
morning to discuss how we can make it happen.
I have struggled with my vocational expression for some time now, and I
am finding a great joy and sense of ‘rightness’ (my vocabulary fails me
for a better word) about this meeting. I must tell myself (listen up
Self!) that even if this doesn’t work out, it will be another
experience upon which to build in order to find that path that is in
keeping with the will of the Divine for me and those affected by my
living.
It is time to pray, again.
More...
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Tue Jun 10, 2003
New Words...
This post is dedicated to using some of the new words that pop in each day on my Cingular wireless cell phone.
Did you know that Leigh is anfractuous?
John has an interesting idiolect.
Maria, over at Traces, is the blogger most likely to be singing a fado.
If Edward sees a capybara, we will most likely see an interesting post.
Looking for an amphigory? Try this!
I'm a son of a jacktar!
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Mon Jun 09, 2003
Monday ramblings...
I've been stealing a bit of time here at work to do some more writing on 'The Gift.'
Find the lastest in the extended entry below. Parts of me wishes I
could take a week or two off and just write, sleep, hike, write, eat,
write... What the heck, I'd probably just play on the PC the entire
time. :)
Father's day is coming up this weekend. I always find myself reflecting
on the absence of my father. When i was six years old, he died suddenly
of a heart attack. He was 36. My mother didn't remarry until I was in
High School and that marrige didn't last. But for my grandfather and
uncle (my mother's brother) I would have had a childhood completely
viod of male influence. It is impossible to know the why, what, what if
... of situations like this. What i DO know is that I am very glad to
be here and be able to celebrate a 'father's day' with my kids and
step-kids.
ADD Thought: I'd like to be the Director of Spiritual formation at a recovery center.
My 'webmistress' (meant with all due respect) is off on a trip across the country. We met on deadjournal.com
through a common interest in recovery, and she has taught me a great
deal about blogging (translate=everything i know), and designed my site
here and over at Dogma.
I wish her a wonderful much needed and deserved vacation and if she
doesn't hurry back, I just know I'm gonna screw this thing up. ARGH!
ADD Thought: Need more coffee
Here's the lastest few lines from The Gift.
More...
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Wed Jun 04, 2003
Interesting Observation
Find below the lyrics from one of the current "HIT" songs on the radio
today, "I Can Only Imagine." For some reason, it strikes me as
perplexing that one minute the secular radio is flaunting it's
'freedom' of speech to cuss and speak graphically of adolescent sexual
interactions, and the next minute broadcasting an overtly Christian
song. I'm not blaming or complaining, but rather just scratching my
head...
I Can Only Imagine
by Bart Millard
from "Almost There"
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face is before me
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine
--repeat chorus--
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Tue Jun 03, 2003
Bras, Panty Hose and A Joyful Morning Shower!!
One of the great joys of my life is stepping sleepily into the shower
in the morning and being greeted by 8 soaking wet bras and 5 dripping
pairs of panty hose hanging from the shower head and knobs.
One of my favorite forms of expression is sarcasm.
Argh.
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Mon Jun 02, 2003
Amphigory
amphigory: a piece of meaningless writing.
--this post preceeded and followed by a segmental and continuous amphigory--
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