Archives: June 2004
Tue Jun 29, 2004
Trucking Observations
All day I drive a pick-up truck around from place to place as I visit
with people and share our services with them. Riding slighty higher
than those folks in cars, I often have a unobstructed view of the
"goings on" in the cars that stop beside me, or pass me on the left.
I've seen many things: some observations of beauty and sensuality,
amazing cell phone activity while NOT looking at the road, eating,
drinking, women putting on makeup, and even one guy reading.
But, to the couple today in the blue Sunfire...get a room!
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Mon Jun 21, 2004
Gentleness of Wonder
There is a gentleness of wonder that comes when thoughts turn from the
daily tasks of schedules and rational modalities to more sublime
things. Have you ever taken notice of the sounds of the coffee perking
in the mornings? I don’t mean the crackling spurts and sizzles; no
those are the surface sounds. Listen instead to the sounds behind the
noise, the percolating beginnings that come with the moment of morning,
the revelations awakening with the cat in the corner lifting his head
to surmise your presence and intent, the cascades of novelty
accompanying the cereal's fall into the bowl. See how a twist of
thought, a turn of phrase can bring wonder to these moments? Simple,
routine, sublime things can lead us to such wonder.
What might tonight bring? What sensual shadow of eve tide? What passion
might be ignited by the turn of a simple wall switch? Ah! The wonder of
the sublime!
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Thu Jun 17, 2004
Dry Tears of Joy
The velvet touch of sorrow brushes the surface, mixing with my joy
today, swirling emotions, like the spirialing cloud of creamer rising
to the top of a mug of freshly brewed coffee. To quote a hymn, "joy and
sorrow flow mingled down."
I am watching life move from difficulty and lack to routine and
abundance. What is more, the life I am watching is my own. I am blessed.
For the moment, my family is healthy. My relationships in function.
Money is in the bank. The bills are mostly paid. I am clean and
completely drug free for soon to be five years. My family and I are
leaving tomorrow for a weekend at the beach. I will soo eat breakfast
and still the hunger in my stomach...
Today, I weep dry tears of joy.
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Sun Jun 06, 2004
Inner Ramblings
A great part of my personal journey has been self-confidence, or the
lack there of. I see now, and have for some time, that my natural means
of moving through life is constructed on pleasing others and performing
according to their expectations. I am quite able at this mode of being,
this stimulus-response behavior, this chameleon-like state of being. It
serves me very well in many situations. I am a better salesperson
because of the ability I have to adjust to the nature of the people I
serve. I was/am a more effective minister because of my ability to
enter into others' perspectives and empathize with them.
But when my natural reaction to others' disapproval of me is to change
and behave to suit them, I find a strangely difficult, almost psychotic
experience, whereby I am overwhelmed with uncertainty about my own
choices and immobilized by uncertainty. I question the choices I have
made, and am often unable to reason, to determine if their objection is
a legitimate critic or an issue within their own being. To put it
another way: I have trouble knowing if I have indeed done anything
'wrong.' I have difficulty knowing if the issues are mine or someone
else’s. Don't get me wrong. I don't freak out at the grocery store if
the attendant frowns at my request. What does bother me most is when
those people whom I love dearly confront me along these lines.
Today, I am aware of this journey. I choose to continue on, learning,
growing and experimenting with making my own choices and standing up
for them, all the while, keeping my heart open to learn.
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Fri Jun 04, 2004
Another Day In Sales
"I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of
times I succeed, and the number of times I succeed is in direct
proportion to the number of times I fail and keep trying."
-Tom Hopkins
There will be no failure in my life today, for what others may see as loss, I see only as the next step toward success.
-Theo
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