Archives: September 2004
Thu Sep 30, 2004
Debatable
The debates are tonight. Well, 'a' debate is tonight, and all over blog
land, earth land, and in most of my conversations today I've heard
about one opinion or another. Politics scare me. In part because I
really don't understand the mechanics of our political system, and in
part because I truly have a general distrust for all things political.
Left, Right or Middle, my gut tells me that it is all about acquiring
and maintaining power and control. After all, if it is true of one
human's nature (in general), why not of a collective grouping?
It is funny (funny strange, not funny haha) when I think on it. In my
heart I believe that humans are basically program to be loving and
kind. I truly believe that our basic nature is only truly fulfilled by
successfully expressing love and caring in community. I do. I also
believe that there seems to be something inherently wrong with our
wiring, our programming if you will. Left alone, the individual will
seek personal gratification and indulgence in the pursuit of power and
control. Albeit, perhaps, fleeting. Oversimplified as it is, it is the
human dilemma. It is certainly my dilemma. Be it a political rally our
a church covered dish supper, a gathering of people will, by default
lean toward power grabbing and self promotion. It takes something
powerful and rare to motivate and enable something else. It does
happen. The Divine does find its way into our choices and systems. It
just isn't, well, natural.
So, I don't expect it in the political arena. There just isn't much in
either of the dominate 'camps' that remains of a Divine, strange, and
anti-power force to bring anything, well, different. So, probably I
will not be watching the debate. I will not be informed. I will write
and read instead. Call me un-American. Call me disillusioned.
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Tue Sep 28, 2004
We Are Blog.
Finding time to blog is a challenge these days. Like so many of the
activities that are helpful in my journey, blogging is easily pushed
aside. Yet, here I am this morning...
What is going on with Theo today? What sedimentary feelings need to be acknowledged and accepted? hummmm.
Pride: Not much to say, it appears that I'm not as great as I thought.
Theo: That is good. Lust?
Lust: Oh Yes! I'm here, as big, bold and hungry as ever! Oh yeah... where to?
Theo: Easy. Let's not get hurt, now. Would it be possible for you to
let Passion have some of that enthusiasm? Some of that drive?
Lust: Again? Damn. He gets to have all the fun. It's not fair.
Theo: Lust, I didn't say you had to give it ALL away, just take it down
a notch. There you go...what is that...look...you become Desire. Much
better.
Desire: Yes. This feels much better. I desire my wife, my kids laughter, a good cup of coffee...
Passion: Excuuuuuuuuuse me! Can we get on with the day? Like, maybe...NOW!!!
Theo: Yes. I smell the coffee brewing. Lets go have some fun!
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Mon Sep 27, 2004
Churnings
churnings beneath the surface have me 'ill' today.
i can tell that anger and self loathing are not far away.
Serenity, please come. drive my doubt from here.
let not this churning manifest it's fear.
i need to cry.
i need a meeting.
gentle, Theo...gently
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Sun Sep 19, 2004
Breathing
funny how a simple thing like breath can be so wonderfully sensual... the way it strokes the hairs on your neck, and whispers, without words, the assurance we are not alone...
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Wed Sep 15, 2004
Error! File not found. unable to load...we win, you suck!
The PC at home that I use most often crashed yesterday. I'm not sure
how, but several of the windows operating system files got lost,
erased, kidnapped or just decided not to come out and play anymore. I
had to reformat the hard drive and start from scratch... --sigh--
Most of the data was backed up, but i did lose most of the more recent
posts, writings, emails and additions to my address book, so, if you
want to be sure that i know how to email you, send me an email at staff@theophany.us.
Namaste'
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Sun Sep 12, 2004
Parenting Episode 09122004
this past friday, i received word from my x-wife that our son had
'cheated' on a Spanish test. i trust my son. he is a smart kid. his
nature and practice is not one of lies and deceit. he did cheat.
forgetting that he had the test, he went out late with several friends
and didn't study. his grades are very good, and so at the moment of the
test, he panicked and tried to look at some notes in his book bag. he
was seen and confronted by his teacher. she was gracious, and didn't
write him up. i guess his track record as a good student cased her to
spare him the mark on his High school record. he is not so fortunate at
home.
after thinking over this this weekend, talking with his mother, and
talking with him to let him know how i feel and understand this failure
of character his consequences are as follows:
1. even though he has a drivers learner permit, he is not allow to drive for the next 30 days
2. he will have no access to electronics (computer, tv, video games)
for the next two weeks during school days (Sunday nights-Friday after
school)
for me, even though i can fully understand how easily he could make
such a mistake, this is an issue of character and honesty with himself.
i asked him, "Why did you feel that the results of a bad grade on one
test where worth sacrificing your integrity?" his response, "I just
didn't think it through. i didn't want a bad grade." maybe next time he
will.
for me, this was emotionally hard. i've felt sick to my stomach. and i
know i did the right thing. in spite of my many and severe mistakes and
errors in judgment over my life, my role here is to teach, lead and
love. this isn't about me - it is about him. i do hope he gets it.
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Sat Sep 11, 2004
Eagles Weep
EAGLES WEEP
Eagles weep the dust of fury
Glory droops in a breeze filled sky
Trumpets howl forth silence
Sightless eyes gaze on dust and bone
Paradox rains upon sweltering souls
Discordant melodies, no harmonic home
Dreams of romantic horror in daylight come
Sleeping giants slumber on
Restrained talons long to tear
Flesh and bone, scalp and hair
Bridled shouts from vipered lips
Broken tongues speechless, still...
More...
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Thu Sep 09, 2004
More Than Shadows
When dreams become more than wisps of shadows
Caressing latent longings to the surface
Streams of want filling cavities now cracked, neglected
Then, awareness cocks its head
Points a boney finger into mental darkness
Searching for something more than faint tendrils of artistry
Shadows become more
Dreams as real as the loins of entwined lovers
Lusts materialize
Upon unkempt linens, covering no secrets
I awake to the dawn dripping
Searching again, wanting more
When shadows become more than whispers
-Theo
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Tue Sep 07, 2004
Stumbling
Stumbling toward what? I'm stumbling this morning, a bit off center,
in-between happy and what? What is this feeling? Sad-no. Angry-no.
hummmm....disquieted? Unsettled? Yes, unsettled.
My thoughts of late have been of my inner passion, my anima. My
writings reveal sensuality. I could brush this aside and declare it the
product of a horny man, but I'm certain there is more to it than that.
Forgive me if I'm too crass these days, but It is my self expression
and my well being that this honesty requires.
More...
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Mon Sep 06, 2004
Musings
She wrote: "...how very lovely....i must tell you now....my stories
and musings are not for the faint of heart....the inspiration i feel
and lovingly pass on grows inside through grace....a grace which lets
me touch you right there...in that sacred place where emptiness has its
home...the little closed corners where pain and dissapointment have put
an almost imperceivable lock...the key finely hidden and not retrieved
until one day....we again feel courage....courage to perhaps stand
naked and vulnerable in front of the fire.....willing to be burned in a
frenzy of passion which for so long had become a mere dream of all
thoughts unreachable and unbearable.......how many keys do we
have?....yes my dear prophet.....the truth...i want to laugh all my
laughter...i am willing to cry all my tears....i will be exposed and
gently ...ever so gently i will let you touch my scars...let you kiss
them....and they will become holy and tell their stories with
joy...hmmmm....."
He wrote: "i've been there, before the fire, naked and burning with
passion. yet, i speak not of the simple passion of the flesh, that
pounding and lusty connection of man and woman, that swirl of bliss
when loins and lips entwine, to ride a rhythm of frenzied
concourse..no, i speak now of another naked passion, of the bearing of
one's truth from one of those "little closed corners where pain and
disappointment have put
an almost imperceivable lock."
the fire lips again, yellow and amber, reaching up into me again,
searing wisps of her voice, her touch, when we could have been one and
fate stripped us apart. within me she stills resides, laughing a little
when some outward expression of woman arouses me, and reflects in the
moisture of her fireside passion, her face...
is that a smile i see now, rising from your pursed lips? might you begin, to laugh with me...now?"
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Wed Sep 01, 2004
WOW! Jesus Here I Come!
WOW! Mindy Smith's song, "Come To Jesus," makes you want to get religious!
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