Wednesday, April 30, 2008
A 50 Year Hike
For the next four days I will be retreating to the mountains of North Carolina. I plan to do some hiking with my wife and enjoy the higher perspective that the mountains afford me. There is something wonderfully expansive and encouraging about a little time in the mountains.
We will hike one of my all time favorite trails in the Great Smokey Mountains, The Alum Cave trial. The 10 mile round-trip hike has a total elevation change of about 3600 feet and is a demanding day hike.
I'll turn 50 while on that hike. Seems appropriate.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:58 PM
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For the next four days I will be retreating to the mountains of North Carolina. I plan to do some hiking with my wife and enjoy the higher perspective that the mountains afford me. There is something wonderfully expansive and encouraging about a little time in the mountains.
We will hike one of my all time favorite trails in the Great Smokey Mountains, The Alum Cave trial. The 10 mile round-trip hike has a total elevation change of about 3600 feet and is a demanding day hike.
I'll turn 50 while on that hike. Seems appropriate.
Labels: adventures, family
Posted by: Theophany at 8:58 PM
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Monday, April 14, 2008
In From the Sea
When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The crackle of palm fronds breaking free from the heat
The hiss of sea oats defiantly bowing inland
The whisper of sand celebrating its lofty release from gravity
The sputter of foam cascading skyward cut from wave caps
The chimes of delicate shells dancing across dunes
When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The prayers of ancient mariners reaching home
-Theo
The above poem is dedicated in loving memory of my grandfather who was, among many things, a sailor.
Posted by: Theophany at 1:31 PM
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When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The crackle of palm fronds breaking free from the heat
The hiss of sea oats defiantly bowing inland
The whisper of sand celebrating its lofty release from gravity
The sputter of foam cascading skyward cut from wave caps
The chimes of delicate shells dancing across dunes
When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The prayers of ancient mariners reaching home
-Theo
The above poem is dedicated in loving memory of my grandfather who was, among many things, a sailor.
Posted by: Theophany at 1:31 PM
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Monday, April 07, 2008
Departing
My grandfather is dying. He has lived 94 long and powerful years. There is no grief over the span or quality of his life. His family has grown, along with him, to replace any misgivings and injury of history with a real and current admiration and warmth. His is a life worth celebrating and he is a person worth having known.
I have spent three days visiting with family as they have gathered to share in his ending. I have spent two nights alone with him, but for the beeping of monitors and the peripheral movement of nurses and technicians. He is not cognitively alert, although I suspect he is more aware than he can demonstrate.
The most amazing and challenging aspect of it all is the interpersonal dynamic of my family. In such time of pain and stress I find myself moving in and out of a family functioning largely on self. Everyone is about their own stories, feelings, needs and ideas. There is little room for silence, prayer and just being. They seem to be living in their worries and words with a constant agitation.
I chose and cherish the over-night duty I did with my grandfather in his ICU room. There, among the sanctuary of our time I was able to simply be with him and myself. We really have no unfinished business. I am at peace with his dying. He is suffering some, but this too is part of the final journey for him. I love him and have let him go.
I have traveled back to my home now. My life is here; my wife, children and vocation. I won't be going back until time for the funeral. The other members of my family continue their vigilance and he his. This is as it is and I believe the Divine is working some more things out during this remaining time.
I don't really have a story to tell here. I just wanted to put some of this into words, for now.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:25 PM
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My grandfather is dying. He has lived 94 long and powerful years. There is no grief over the span or quality of his life. His family has grown, along with him, to replace any misgivings and injury of history with a real and current admiration and warmth. His is a life worth celebrating and he is a person worth having known.
I have spent three days visiting with family as they have gathered to share in his ending. I have spent two nights alone with him, but for the beeping of monitors and the peripheral movement of nurses and technicians. He is not cognitively alert, although I suspect he is more aware than he can demonstrate.
The most amazing and challenging aspect of it all is the interpersonal dynamic of my family. In such time of pain and stress I find myself moving in and out of a family functioning largely on self. Everyone is about their own stories, feelings, needs and ideas. There is little room for silence, prayer and just being. They seem to be living in their worries and words with a constant agitation.
I chose and cherish the over-night duty I did with my grandfather in his ICU room. There, among the sanctuary of our time I was able to simply be with him and myself. We really have no unfinished business. I am at peace with his dying. He is suffering some, but this too is part of the final journey for him. I love him and have let him go.
I have traveled back to my home now. My life is here; my wife, children and vocation. I won't be going back until time for the funeral. The other members of my family continue their vigilance and he his. This is as it is and I believe the Divine is working some more things out during this remaining time.
I don't really have a story to tell here. I just wanted to put some of this into words, for now.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:25 PM
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Sunday, March 23, 2008
Burnished Life
We all have them - scars, wounds. Just moving through life assures us of damage.
The pain of an abusive childhood, the confusions of divorce, solitude through the loss of a job, physical injury, and the growing limitations of getting older all can keep us from the elusive joy of success.
Something tells us that we are supposed to be happy, healthy, and whole. We strive for it, pursue it and then there are the times when we seem completely separated from this deserved joy. Life's pleasure eludes us and we become too familiar with suffering.
I have often and long thought of this question - Why is joy often painfully elusive. I do not have an answer. I do have some experience and an observation.
It might help you to know of some of the scars, wounds and blows upon my life. My father died at age 36 (I was 6) of a massive heart attack leaving a gapping hole in my family and leaving me with a life-time of an absent father. I have walked through a critical and dangerous illness with my first child. I am divorced and remarried. I have watch four children grow in our blended (meaning there were two broken families) family. I fell into drug addiction, lost my career, professional credentials and bearings. I have physical conditions that bring me pain everyday. I have lost jobs, destroyed relationships, abused others and violated most of the values I believe to be important. My step-sister was raped and murdered when I was 15. My sister and brother are addicts in addiction or recovery depending on when you read this. And yet, my life today is good and I am happy more days than I am not.
It is my experience that in the face of my life's difficulties and among my own ill placed choices I have always known that a larger and benevolent presence was at work in life. My journey has certainly taken me toward and away from the Divine, but I have never doubted the Divine's existence. In my darkest moments I guess I knew that I could choose to not be a part of this larger benevolence, but my choice did not mean it wasn’t there nonetheless.
My observation is that my life has endured even the worst I have experienced. In fact, I can affirm that I have more than endured, but am thriving. Why? I'm not sure I can tell you why. I can tell you this - the scars and wounds that remain are the remnants of life's polishing of me. Perhaps polishing is too bright of a term. I have been burnished by life. In much the same way a welder may burnish metal to strengthen a contact, or a sculptor might burnish a piece of bronze to refract light in a particular way, life has rubbed and burnished me. The result is a being that cannot be mistaken for anything more than a man, a human being, like others, who has found some admiration of his scars and the peculiar sheen they reflect.
I feel triumphant because of my burnished life. Careful here or you will misunderstand me. It isn't because of what I have done to arrive at this moment. It is true enough that I am proud of the choices that have allowed me to live, but if I had been so wonderful I would have made much better choices that could have brought me to this point more directly - or could they? I feel triumphant because there is a peculiar, divine alchemy that has found in my choices and life's circumstances a limited and brazenly beautiful person.
It is also my belief and hope at this moment that anyone can find such beauty and solid joy in their burnished life.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:22 PM
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We all have them - scars, wounds. Just moving through life assures us of damage.
The pain of an abusive childhood, the confusions of divorce, solitude through the loss of a job, physical injury, and the growing limitations of getting older all can keep us from the elusive joy of success.
Something tells us that we are supposed to be happy, healthy, and whole. We strive for it, pursue it and then there are the times when we seem completely separated from this deserved joy. Life's pleasure eludes us and we become too familiar with suffering.
I have often and long thought of this question - Why is joy often painfully elusive. I do not have an answer. I do have some experience and an observation.
It might help you to know of some of the scars, wounds and blows upon my life. My father died at age 36 (I was 6) of a massive heart attack leaving a gapping hole in my family and leaving me with a life-time of an absent father. I have walked through a critical and dangerous illness with my first child. I am divorced and remarried. I have watch four children grow in our blended (meaning there were two broken families) family. I fell into drug addiction, lost my career, professional credentials and bearings. I have physical conditions that bring me pain everyday. I have lost jobs, destroyed relationships, abused others and violated most of the values I believe to be important. My step-sister was raped and murdered when I was 15. My sister and brother are addicts in addiction or recovery depending on when you read this. And yet, my life today is good and I am happy more days than I am not.
It is my experience that in the face of my life's difficulties and among my own ill placed choices I have always known that a larger and benevolent presence was at work in life. My journey has certainly taken me toward and away from the Divine, but I have never doubted the Divine's existence. In my darkest moments I guess I knew that I could choose to not be a part of this larger benevolence, but my choice did not mean it wasn’t there nonetheless.
My observation is that my life has endured even the worst I have experienced. In fact, I can affirm that I have more than endured, but am thriving. Why? I'm not sure I can tell you why. I can tell you this - the scars and wounds that remain are the remnants of life's polishing of me. Perhaps polishing is too bright of a term. I have been burnished by life. In much the same way a welder may burnish metal to strengthen a contact, or a sculptor might burnish a piece of bronze to refract light in a particular way, life has rubbed and burnished me. The result is a being that cannot be mistaken for anything more than a man, a human being, like others, who has found some admiration of his scars and the peculiar sheen they reflect.
I feel triumphant because of my burnished life. Careful here or you will misunderstand me. It isn't because of what I have done to arrive at this moment. It is true enough that I am proud of the choices that have allowed me to live, but if I had been so wonderful I would have made much better choices that could have brought me to this point more directly - or could they? I feel triumphant because there is a peculiar, divine alchemy that has found in my choices and life's circumstances a limited and brazenly beautiful person.
It is also my belief and hope at this moment that anyone can find such beauty and solid joy in their burnished life.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:22 PM
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Saturday, January 05, 2008
Half Way
And now I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way insane
And half way away from you.
The thought of moving own
Chills my spirit, aches my bones
I how can I live without you
How can we live as one?
Still here I am
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
There's a half moon in the sky
Half light to drive me
Half dark to hide me
Too bright to find shelter, too dark to see my way.
I'm stopped here
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
Half full or half empty
The thought does not matter
For I'm too thirsty for half of anything
Too parched for half measures.
Along this road
I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
I have less than half of this life to go
A half life gone that seems too long
Half life left seems too much
So, I go
The half way back to you
Turning round to you
Half way back is better
Than all the way home.
Half way to you
Half way alone
Half way, moving all the way
Away to you.
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 3:15 PM
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And now I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way insane
And half way away from you.
The thought of moving own
Chills my spirit, aches my bones
I how can I live without you
How can we live as one?
Still here I am
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
There's a half moon in the sky
Half light to drive me
Half dark to hide me
Too bright to find shelter, too dark to see my way.
I'm stopped here
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
Half full or half empty
The thought does not matter
For I'm too thirsty for half of anything
Too parched for half measures.
Along this road
I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
I have less than half of this life to go
A half life gone that seems too long
Half life left seems too much
So, I go
The half way back to you
Turning round to you
Half way back is better
Than all the way home.
Half way to you
Half way alone
Half way, moving all the way
Away to you.
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 3:15 PM
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Thursday, October 18, 2007
Haunting Heritage
Below is a direct quote of a letter sent from my mother to my daughter who is studing abroad this semester. The content of the letter is exactly as she wrote it. The names have not been change. There are none innocent to protect.
"A few lines to let you know we are thinking of you and loving you.
Your Dad spent the weekend with us when you were in Paris. and I just had a great time.
We are still doing the same things. Granddaddy and Nana loves your emails. I print them out and give them to them. They are happy you are seeing the world and think you are the greatest.
Joe Gordon and his family brought the house next door so we are having lots of activity. They first cut the pine trees down, are removing the fireplace ( bricks sound loud hitting a metal dumpster) and they are fixing things inside. Guess they will move in when finished. Seem like a nice young couple.
We built a ramp for Granddaddy Benton and we are in progress of getting an electric wheelchair. He is weaker and needs this.
Bobby and Granddaddy Cox are fishing in the river and hunting.
Granddaddy has already kill 5 deer. He is going today to give some of his sisters deer as they love the meat and t hey don't have anyone to hunt for them.
Talked to Nichole a few days ago and she seemed happy. She has moved into a trailer on the land where she was borned.
Pam is better all bones are healing, but no job yet.
Bobby and his family are doing great. and said tell you hello. Bobby read the email about Paris and loved it. (you might think of being a
writer)
Lisa and her family are well. Branton has really grown and smiles all the time he is really cute I'll attach a picture.
I am well and still on the black and red quilt. I might still be on it next year.
The weather here is still like summer in the 80's and 90's.
Got to go, keep in touch and have fun. love you Grandmother and Granddaddy"
Heritage is a scary thing.
Posted by: Theophany at 9:13 PM
|
Below is a direct quote of a letter sent from my mother to my daughter who is studing abroad this semester. The content of the letter is exactly as she wrote it. The names have not been change. There are none innocent to protect.
"A few lines to let you know we are thinking of you and loving you.
Your Dad spent the weekend with us when you were in Paris. and I just had a great time.
We are still doing the same things. Granddaddy and Nana loves your emails. I print them out and give them to them. They are happy you are seeing the world and think you are the greatest.
Joe Gordon and his family brought the house next door so we are having lots of activity. They first cut the pine trees down, are removing the fireplace ( bricks sound loud hitting a metal dumpster) and they are fixing things inside. Guess they will move in when finished. Seem like a nice young couple.
We built a ramp for Granddaddy Benton and we are in progress of getting an electric wheelchair. He is weaker and needs this.
Bobby and Granddaddy Cox are fishing in the river and hunting.
Granddaddy has already kill 5 deer. He is going today to give some of his sisters deer as they love the meat and t hey don't have anyone to hunt for them.
Talked to Nichole a few days ago and she seemed happy. She has moved into a trailer on the land where she was borned.
Pam is better all bones are healing, but no job yet.
Bobby and his family are doing great. and said tell you hello. Bobby read the email about Paris and loved it. (you might think of being a
writer)
Lisa and her family are well. Branton has really grown and smiles all the time he is really cute I'll attach a picture.
I am well and still on the black and red quilt. I might still be on it next year.
The weather here is still like summer in the 80's and 90's.
Got to go, keep in touch and have fun. love you Grandmother and Granddaddy"
Heritage is a scary thing.
Posted by: Theophany at 9:13 PM
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Monday, September 24, 2007
New Record
The amazing art of SPAM has hit a new level. I recieved 1,600+ spam emails today to one of my old email addresses. I guess it is time to shut that one down.
On the brighter side. I have discovered Skype and have been talking to my daughter in Spain via this wonderful FREE service.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:12 PM
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The amazing art of SPAM has hit a new level. I recieved 1,600+ spam emails today to one of my old email addresses. I guess it is time to shut that one down.
On the brighter side. I have discovered Skype and have been talking to my daughter in Spain via this wonderful FREE service.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:12 PM
|
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Parenting
son, while it may be true that we come to realize that we have failed to embrace the opportunities set so lovingly before us, we must acknowledge that we have been beset and seized by our own bindings. such shackles and mire may have, to this point, held us fast to our own mediocrity. this truth directs us to love our failure and forgive ourselves. we travel from such limitations through the pain and angst of struggling free and into our personal liberty.
today, you have become more aware of such limitations and thus of the fresh and vital opportunity that awaits you. Carpe diem is often misquoted as "seize the day." a better rendering of it is to "gather the day." gathering the day is both a reference to making order of the day(to gather it together) and harvesting the day. the implication is that all that we need is robustly present and waiting. it is therefore our destiny, our very calling to claim each day unto us. such effort is most often the assembly of simple, singular, seemingly routine tasks. such effort does, eventually, result in the very real manifestation of our dreams.
just for today, my son, may you renew yourself and simply do the next right thing. Carpe diem!
i love you, son.
Posted by: Theophany at 4:45 PM
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son, while it may be true that we come to realize that we have failed to embrace the opportunities set so lovingly before us, we must acknowledge that we have been beset and seized by our own bindings. such shackles and mire may have, to this point, held us fast to our own mediocrity. this truth directs us to love our failure and forgive ourselves. we travel from such limitations through the pain and angst of struggling free and into our personal liberty.
today, you have become more aware of such limitations and thus of the fresh and vital opportunity that awaits you. Carpe diem is often misquoted as "seize the day." a better rendering of it is to "gather the day." gathering the day is both a reference to making order of the day(to gather it together) and harvesting the day. the implication is that all that we need is robustly present and waiting. it is therefore our destiny, our very calling to claim each day unto us. such effort is most often the assembly of simple, singular, seemingly routine tasks. such effort does, eventually, result in the very real manifestation of our dreams.
just for today, my son, may you renew yourself and simply do the next right thing. Carpe diem!
i love you, son.
Posted by: Theophany at 4:45 PM
|
Monday, April 30, 2007
Is Theo A Redneck?
I am pretty sure I qualify for one of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if...."
Hang on, here goes.
My mother was married at 16 and had her first child, a daughter at 17.
Her daughter, my sister, had her first child, a daughter, at 16.
Her daughter, my niece, had her first child, a daughter, at 17.
Her daughter, my grand-niece, had her first child, a daughter, at 16.
Her daughter, my great-grand niece ?, had her first child, a daughter today, at 19.
Frankly, we are a bit relieved. We were beginning to think she would never have children (tongue inserted firmly in cheek).
So, you vote. Does this make me a candidate for redneckness?
Posted by: Theophany at 8:28 PM
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I am pretty sure I qualify for one of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if...."
Hang on, here goes.
My mother was married at 16 and had her first child, a daughter at 17.
Her daughter, my sister, had her first child, a daughter, at 16.
Her daughter, my niece, had her first child, a daughter, at 17.
Her daughter, my grand-niece, had her first child, a daughter, at 16.
Her daughter, my great-grand niece ?, had her first child, a daughter today, at 19.
Frankly, we are a bit relieved. We were beginning to think she would never have children (tongue inserted firmly in cheek).
So, you vote. Does this make me a candidate for redneckness?
Labels: family
Posted by: Theophany at 8:28 PM
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