Thursday, July 17, 2008
Blue Hole-Walk and Talk
Your now seldom trodden paths fall under new feet, withstanding each impact of soul and sole, bearing up upon unyielding and ancient rock the weight of another exploration, an adventuring spirit, another of the millions of creatures that you have felt wander across your very spine, and with thoughtless query your impatient question of 800,000 years rises again...
Will this be the one? Will this be only another impertinent and transient creature that errantly uses the earthy mystery of this space for gathering dirt and stone, or ripping foliage aside for consumption, or splattering in fury, another's blood upon you hoping you will shroud its evil form detection? Or will this one impede the conquest and domination long enough to pause momentarily, stand still enough - long enough to allow your archaic message to creep from the core of this vain of our origination and stir as deeply within them as it resides within you, the tendril of impervious and undaunted myth that is your message?
NOTE: Written after walking the Blue Hole path in Bermuda.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:32 PM
|
Your now seldom trodden paths fall under new feet, withstanding each impact of soul and sole, bearing up upon unyielding and ancient rock the weight of another exploration, an adventuring spirit, another of the millions of creatures that you have felt wander across your very spine, and with thoughtless query your impatient question of 800,000 years rises again...
Will this be the one? Will this be only another impertinent and transient creature that errantly uses the earthy mystery of this space for gathering dirt and stone, or ripping foliage aside for consumption, or splattering in fury, another's blood upon you hoping you will shroud its evil form detection? Or will this one impede the conquest and domination long enough to pause momentarily, stand still enough - long enough to allow your archaic message to creep from the core of this vain of our origination and stir as deeply within them as it resides within you, the tendril of impervious and undaunted myth that is your message?
NOTE: Written after walking the Blue Hole path in Bermuda.
Labels: adventures, feelings, words
Posted by: Theophany at 8:32 PM
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Monday, June 30, 2008
Writing Work
A friend of mine has recently helped me get motivated to begin a writing routine. I have a story (maybe a book?) that I started several years ago. I have set a time to write for 30 minutes each day.
It is strange to me how difficult it is to do the work of writing. I love creating the story and the task of putting it to words isn’t that difficult, but something stands in the way of spontaneously writing.
When I first began this work, it was self compelling. I had to make myself stop and do something else. Somewhere along the way, the internal motivation waned and I found myself choosing to do other things.
I believe I am about a good tale and it smacks of a specific genre’ and has a bit of originality. It is worth telling. It is a tale that is alive within me.
So, tell me dear reader, why is it such work to write? What is your take on the passion of creativity turning to the labor of necessity?
Posted by: Theophany at 9:01 PM
|
A friend of mine has recently helped me get motivated to begin a writing routine. I have a story (maybe a book?) that I started several years ago. I have set a time to write for 30 minutes each day.
It is strange to me how difficult it is to do the work of writing. I love creating the story and the task of putting it to words isn’t that difficult, but something stands in the way of spontaneously writing.
When I first began this work, it was self compelling. I had to make myself stop and do something else. Somewhere along the way, the internal motivation waned and I found myself choosing to do other things.
I believe I am about a good tale and it smacks of a specific genre’ and has a bit of originality. It is worth telling. It is a tale that is alive within me.
So, tell me dear reader, why is it such work to write? What is your take on the passion of creativity turning to the labor of necessity?
Posted by: Theophany at 9:01 PM
|
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Amusing Myself
You are dancing again.
Yes.
Have you missed it?
The dancing?
Yes.
Yes, but I have missed other things more.
Really? What?
I have missed the attentive look on your face as you treasure me.
Treasure you? That is a bit assumptive of you.
Perhaps, but I see it tonight in your eyes.
You annoy me sometimes with you self assurance.
I'm not so assured, so confident about most things. But, I know you.
Indeed you do.
Dance with me.
I already am.
Do you love me?
Always.
I'm glad.
So am I, eventhough it keeps me forever troubled.
Troubled?
Perhaps unsettled would be a better word.
If you were not unsettled by me, you would be worthless, you know.
Yes, and sometimes I get tired of the desire, the longing, the …
Amusement?
You make me smile.
I make you laugh.
And dance.
I dance for you.
Thank you.
You make me laugh.
I know. I know. Dance.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:48 PM
|
You are dancing again.
Yes.
Have you missed it?
The dancing?
Yes.
Yes, but I have missed other things more.
Really? What?
I have missed the attentive look on your face as you treasure me.
Treasure you? That is a bit assumptive of you.
Perhaps, but I see it tonight in your eyes.
You annoy me sometimes with you self assurance.
I'm not so assured, so confident about most things. But, I know you.
Indeed you do.
Dance with me.
I already am.
Do you love me?
Always.
I'm glad.
So am I, eventhough it keeps me forever troubled.
Troubled?
Perhaps unsettled would be a better word.
If you were not unsettled by me, you would be worthless, you know.
Yes, and sometimes I get tired of the desire, the longing, the …
Amusement?
You make me smile.
I make you laugh.
And dance.
I dance for you.
Thank you.
You make me laugh.
I know. I know. Dance.
Labels: adventures, feelings
Posted by: Theophany at 8:48 PM
|
Monday, April 14, 2008
In From the Sea
When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The crackle of palm fronds breaking free from the heat
The hiss of sea oats defiantly bowing inland
The whisper of sand celebrating its lofty release from gravity
The sputter of foam cascading skyward cut from wave caps
The chimes of delicate shells dancing across dunes
When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The prayers of ancient mariners reaching home
-Theo
The above poem is dedicated in loving memory of my grandfather who was, among many things, a sailor.
Posted by: Theophany at 1:31 PM
|
When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The crackle of palm fronds breaking free from the heat
The hiss of sea oats defiantly bowing inland
The whisper of sand celebrating its lofty release from gravity
The sputter of foam cascading skyward cut from wave caps
The chimes of delicate shells dancing across dunes
When the wind blows in from the sea you can hear
The prayers of ancient mariners reaching home
-Theo
The above poem is dedicated in loving memory of my grandfather who was, among many things, a sailor.
Posted by: Theophany at 1:31 PM
|
Monday, April 07, 2008
Departing
My grandfather is dying. He has lived 94 long and powerful years. There is no grief over the span or quality of his life. His family has grown, along with him, to replace any misgivings and injury of history with a real and current admiration and warmth. His is a life worth celebrating and he is a person worth having known.
I have spent three days visiting with family as they have gathered to share in his ending. I have spent two nights alone with him, but for the beeping of monitors and the peripheral movement of nurses and technicians. He is not cognitively alert, although I suspect he is more aware than he can demonstrate.
The most amazing and challenging aspect of it all is the interpersonal dynamic of my family. In such time of pain and stress I find myself moving in and out of a family functioning largely on self. Everyone is about their own stories, feelings, needs and ideas. There is little room for silence, prayer and just being. They seem to be living in their worries and words with a constant agitation.
I chose and cherish the over-night duty I did with my grandfather in his ICU room. There, among the sanctuary of our time I was able to simply be with him and myself. We really have no unfinished business. I am at peace with his dying. He is suffering some, but this too is part of the final journey for him. I love him and have let him go.
I have traveled back to my home now. My life is here; my wife, children and vocation. I won't be going back until time for the funeral. The other members of my family continue their vigilance and he his. This is as it is and I believe the Divine is working some more things out during this remaining time.
I don't really have a story to tell here. I just wanted to put some of this into words, for now.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:25 PM
|
My grandfather is dying. He has lived 94 long and powerful years. There is no grief over the span or quality of his life. His family has grown, along with him, to replace any misgivings and injury of history with a real and current admiration and warmth. His is a life worth celebrating and he is a person worth having known.
I have spent three days visiting with family as they have gathered to share in his ending. I have spent two nights alone with him, but for the beeping of monitors and the peripheral movement of nurses and technicians. He is not cognitively alert, although I suspect he is more aware than he can demonstrate.
The most amazing and challenging aspect of it all is the interpersonal dynamic of my family. In such time of pain and stress I find myself moving in and out of a family functioning largely on self. Everyone is about their own stories, feelings, needs and ideas. There is little room for silence, prayer and just being. They seem to be living in their worries and words with a constant agitation.
I chose and cherish the over-night duty I did with my grandfather in his ICU room. There, among the sanctuary of our time I was able to simply be with him and myself. We really have no unfinished business. I am at peace with his dying. He is suffering some, but this too is part of the final journey for him. I love him and have let him go.
I have traveled back to my home now. My life is here; my wife, children and vocation. I won't be going back until time for the funeral. The other members of my family continue their vigilance and he his. This is as it is and I believe the Divine is working some more things out during this remaining time.
I don't really have a story to tell here. I just wanted to put some of this into words, for now.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:25 PM
|
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Burnished Life
We all have them - scars, wounds. Just moving through life assures us of damage.
The pain of an abusive childhood, the confusions of divorce, solitude through the loss of a job, physical injury, and the growing limitations of getting older all can keep us from the elusive joy of success.
Something tells us that we are supposed to be happy, healthy, and whole. We strive for it, pursue it and then there are the times when we seem completely separated from this deserved joy. Life's pleasure eludes us and we become too familiar with suffering.
I have often and long thought of this question - Why is joy often painfully elusive. I do not have an answer. I do have some experience and an observation.
It might help you to know of some of the scars, wounds and blows upon my life. My father died at age 36 (I was 6) of a massive heart attack leaving a gapping hole in my family and leaving me with a life-time of an absent father. I have walked through a critical and dangerous illness with my first child. I am divorced and remarried. I have watch four children grow in our blended (meaning there were two broken families) family. I fell into drug addiction, lost my career, professional credentials and bearings. I have physical conditions that bring me pain everyday. I have lost jobs, destroyed relationships, abused others and violated most of the values I believe to be important. My step-sister was raped and murdered when I was 15. My sister and brother are addicts in addiction or recovery depending on when you read this. And yet, my life today is good and I am happy more days than I am not.
It is my experience that in the face of my life's difficulties and among my own ill placed choices I have always known that a larger and benevolent presence was at work in life. My journey has certainly taken me toward and away from the Divine, but I have never doubted the Divine's existence. In my darkest moments I guess I knew that I could choose to not be a part of this larger benevolence, but my choice did not mean it wasn’t there nonetheless.
My observation is that my life has endured even the worst I have experienced. In fact, I can affirm that I have more than endured, but am thriving. Why? I'm not sure I can tell you why. I can tell you this - the scars and wounds that remain are the remnants of life's polishing of me. Perhaps polishing is too bright of a term. I have been burnished by life. In much the same way a welder may burnish metal to strengthen a contact, or a sculptor might burnish a piece of bronze to refract light in a particular way, life has rubbed and burnished me. The result is a being that cannot be mistaken for anything more than a man, a human being, like others, who has found some admiration of his scars and the peculiar sheen they reflect.
I feel triumphant because of my burnished life. Careful here or you will misunderstand me. It isn't because of what I have done to arrive at this moment. It is true enough that I am proud of the choices that have allowed me to live, but if I had been so wonderful I would have made much better choices that could have brought me to this point more directly - or could they? I feel triumphant because there is a peculiar, divine alchemy that has found in my choices and life's circumstances a limited and brazenly beautiful person.
It is also my belief and hope at this moment that anyone can find such beauty and solid joy in their burnished life.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:22 PM
|
We all have them - scars, wounds. Just moving through life assures us of damage.
The pain of an abusive childhood, the confusions of divorce, solitude through the loss of a job, physical injury, and the growing limitations of getting older all can keep us from the elusive joy of success.
Something tells us that we are supposed to be happy, healthy, and whole. We strive for it, pursue it and then there are the times when we seem completely separated from this deserved joy. Life's pleasure eludes us and we become too familiar with suffering.
I have often and long thought of this question - Why is joy often painfully elusive. I do not have an answer. I do have some experience and an observation.
It might help you to know of some of the scars, wounds and blows upon my life. My father died at age 36 (I was 6) of a massive heart attack leaving a gapping hole in my family and leaving me with a life-time of an absent father. I have walked through a critical and dangerous illness with my first child. I am divorced and remarried. I have watch four children grow in our blended (meaning there were two broken families) family. I fell into drug addiction, lost my career, professional credentials and bearings. I have physical conditions that bring me pain everyday. I have lost jobs, destroyed relationships, abused others and violated most of the values I believe to be important. My step-sister was raped and murdered when I was 15. My sister and brother are addicts in addiction or recovery depending on when you read this. And yet, my life today is good and I am happy more days than I am not.
It is my experience that in the face of my life's difficulties and among my own ill placed choices I have always known that a larger and benevolent presence was at work in life. My journey has certainly taken me toward and away from the Divine, but I have never doubted the Divine's existence. In my darkest moments I guess I knew that I could choose to not be a part of this larger benevolence, but my choice did not mean it wasn’t there nonetheless.
My observation is that my life has endured even the worst I have experienced. In fact, I can affirm that I have more than endured, but am thriving. Why? I'm not sure I can tell you why. I can tell you this - the scars and wounds that remain are the remnants of life's polishing of me. Perhaps polishing is too bright of a term. I have been burnished by life. In much the same way a welder may burnish metal to strengthen a contact, or a sculptor might burnish a piece of bronze to refract light in a particular way, life has rubbed and burnished me. The result is a being that cannot be mistaken for anything more than a man, a human being, like others, who has found some admiration of his scars and the peculiar sheen they reflect.
I feel triumphant because of my burnished life. Careful here or you will misunderstand me. It isn't because of what I have done to arrive at this moment. It is true enough that I am proud of the choices that have allowed me to live, but if I had been so wonderful I would have made much better choices that could have brought me to this point more directly - or could they? I feel triumphant because there is a peculiar, divine alchemy that has found in my choices and life's circumstances a limited and brazenly beautiful person.
It is also my belief and hope at this moment that anyone can find such beauty and solid joy in their burnished life.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:22 PM
|
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Regret
yesterday's deeds descend on raptor's wings
talons flair and slice into my mind
tearing through the carefully constructed facade of hope
i bleed, into tomorrow
ancestral wounds reopen with vengeance
deforming logic and maiming reason
proclaiming the torment of self loathing valid
i bleed, fill with sorrow
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 8:35 PM
|
yesterday's deeds descend on raptor's wings
talons flair and slice into my mind
tearing through the carefully constructed facade of hope
i bleed, into tomorrow
ancestral wounds reopen with vengeance
deforming logic and maiming reason
proclaiming the torment of self loathing valid
i bleed, fill with sorrow
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 8:35 PM
|
Friday, March 14, 2008
In Absence
It is possible to forget, to lose one's investment in being connected and engaging. It is probable that lack of familiar liaisons will diminish the rush of passion, the surge coursing through sinew and spirit delivering vitality. We can forget even that which is primary to personal essence.
The unused muscle withers. Creative ideas become faded memories and memories are soon enough forgotten, evaporated wisps dissipating across expanding horizons.
Yet, there is in all of such profound leaving and loss something that endures and that piece, no matter how small, abides eternally engrained within. Leaving, being separated from those things and people that affect us so throughly isn't really possible, not really. We are made of the remnants that remain, woven, remembered into a quiet brilliance.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:06 PM
|
It is possible to forget, to lose one's investment in being connected and engaging. It is probable that lack of familiar liaisons will diminish the rush of passion, the surge coursing through sinew and spirit delivering vitality. We can forget even that which is primary to personal essence.
The unused muscle withers. Creative ideas become faded memories and memories are soon enough forgotten, evaporated wisps dissipating across expanding horizons.
Yet, there is in all of such profound leaving and loss something that endures and that piece, no matter how small, abides eternally engrained within. Leaving, being separated from those things and people that affect us so throughly isn't really possible, not really. We are made of the remnants that remain, woven, remembered into a quiet brilliance.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:06 PM
|
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Upon Seeing "August Rush."
When the creative passion manifests itself within a human child in so great a magnitude that the child is compelled to create, and when that compulsion is made known through the power of creative genius, we call it beautiful, touching, profound.
I am pained, in agony. For what is crueler than to encase that immense passion within the flesh and psyche of a man and provide him with no prodigy-like form through which to have expression?
I am an artist without a canvas, a singer with no voice and a master with no craft. I meander about the art of creating and dabble in the alchemy of beauty, yet my very soul aches still with a song to be sung that cannot find a note of harmony in this un-tuned voice.
In anger and tears I cry, "There is something that big in me and I have no craft to get it out!" How cruel.
Posted by: Theophany at 7:45 PM
|
When the creative passion manifests itself within a human child in so great a magnitude that the child is compelled to create, and when that compulsion is made known through the power of creative genius, we call it beautiful, touching, profound.
I am pained, in agony. For what is crueler than to encase that immense passion within the flesh and psyche of a man and provide him with no prodigy-like form through which to have expression?
I am an artist without a canvas, a singer with no voice and a master with no craft. I meander about the art of creating and dabble in the alchemy of beauty, yet my very soul aches still with a song to be sung that cannot find a note of harmony in this un-tuned voice.
In anger and tears I cry, "There is something that big in me and I have no craft to get it out!" How cruel.
Labels: adventures, feelings, recovery
Posted by: Theophany at 7:45 PM
|
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Half Way
And now I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way insane
And half way away from you.
The thought of moving own
Chills my spirit, aches my bones
I how can I live without you
How can we live as one?
Still here I am
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
There's a half moon in the sky
Half light to drive me
Half dark to hide me
Too bright to find shelter, too dark to see my way.
I'm stopped here
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
Half full or half empty
The thought does not matter
For I'm too thirsty for half of anything
Too parched for half measures.
Along this road
I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
I have less than half of this life to go
A half life gone that seems too long
Half life left seems too much
So, I go
The half way back to you
Turning round to you
Half way back is better
Than all the way home.
Half way to you
Half way alone
Half way, moving all the way
Away to you.
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 3:15 PM
|
And now I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way insane
And half way away from you.
The thought of moving own
Chills my spirit, aches my bones
I how can I live without you
How can we live as one?
Still here I am
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
There's a half moon in the sky
Half light to drive me
Half dark to hide me
Too bright to find shelter, too dark to see my way.
I'm stopped here
Half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
Half full or half empty
The thought does not matter
For I'm too thirsty for half of anything
Too parched for half measures.
Along this road
I'm half way home
Half way to being alone
Half way away from you.
I have less than half of this life to go
A half life gone that seems too long
Half life left seems too much
So, I go
The half way back to you
Turning round to you
Half way back is better
Than all the way home.
Half way to you
Half way alone
Half way, moving all the way
Away to you.
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 3:15 PM
|
Friday, December 21, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Better
There is no secret formula, but the remedy is still too illusive.
Thanks to words of kindness from and time with friends, I feel more comfortable. The process was gradual, and still I can mark the moment my mood finally adjusted completely.
I volunteered recently to spend an hour ringing the Salvation Army bell. A service group I am a member of has the responsibility and I signed up. Something about standing there, ringing that little bell and forcing myself to say "Merry Christmas" to passers-by removed the last of the veil of dankness from my life.
Now, on to the holidays. Come Spirit of joy and life!
Posted by: Theophany at 8:58 PM
|
There is no secret formula, but the remedy is still too illusive.
Thanks to words of kindness from and time with friends, I feel more comfortable. The process was gradual, and still I can mark the moment my mood finally adjusted completely.
I volunteered recently to spend an hour ringing the Salvation Army bell. A service group I am a member of has the responsibility and I signed up. Something about standing there, ringing that little bell and forcing myself to say "Merry Christmas" to passers-by removed the last of the veil of dankness from my life.
Now, on to the holidays. Come Spirit of joy and life!
Labels: feelings
Posted by: Theophany at 8:58 PM
|
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Advent
Be it internal chaos or external over stimulus or something altogether different, I find no real joy in this impending holiday season.
I am happy enough. I am satisfied enough. I am painfully aware of how many things are not and are never going to be what I desire. My acceptance is low. My serenity, tentative. I am approaching apathy on many fronts.
I want to eat cake and drink whole milk. I want to spend money and own new things. I want to feel different and that for me is always a dangerous thing.
I have lived with this awareness awhile. I am tired of it. I am tired of struggling with me and knowing that neither the struggle or my failure will successfully save me from me.
These are dark personal days in need of light.
Posted by: Theophany at 11:24 AM
|
Be it internal chaos or external over stimulus or something altogether different, I find no real joy in this impending holiday season.
I am happy enough. I am satisfied enough. I am painfully aware of how many things are not and are never going to be what I desire. My acceptance is low. My serenity, tentative. I am approaching apathy on many fronts.
I want to eat cake and drink whole milk. I want to spend money and own new things. I want to feel different and that for me is always a dangerous thing.
I have lived with this awareness awhile. I am tired of it. I am tired of struggling with me and knowing that neither the struggle or my failure will successfully save me from me.
These are dark personal days in need of light.
Posted by: Theophany at 11:24 AM
|
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Minerva's Memories
in these pretty things
these broken fragments
of our dreams, hopes, courage
the light does sparkle
a bit
in these pretty things
these shattered shards
of our faith, ideas, will
the shimmers do run
on us
in these pretty things
these scattered particles
of you, me, us
the flickers of memories
are born
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 2:32 PM
|
in these pretty things
these broken fragments
of our dreams, hopes, courage
the light does sparkle
a bit
in these pretty things
these shattered shards
of our faith, ideas, will
the shimmers do run
on us
in these pretty things
these scattered particles
of you, me, us
the flickers of memories
are born
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 2:32 PM
|
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Migraine Lesson
Tonight, I have a growing headache. I’m drinking tea, sitting in the quiet and hoping the caffeine will ease this thumping before it becomes a sickening pounding of nausea and crippling sensitivity.
It has been months since I have had a migraine. At least I don’t fear them anymore.
Sometimes, for me at least, I am best served to embrace the pains of life on life's terms and curl quietly into the darkness of slumber. There, coiled among downed blankets, gray shadows and intimates smells, I can stay the course until relief eases its way into my mind, my being, my soul.
This is true for migraines and for the pains of living in a malformed world with less than the purest of intent.
Good Night.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:30 PM
|
Tonight, I have a growing headache. I’m drinking tea, sitting in the quiet and hoping the caffeine will ease this thumping before it becomes a sickening pounding of nausea and crippling sensitivity.
It has been months since I have had a migraine. At least I don’t fear them anymore.
Sometimes, for me at least, I am best served to embrace the pains of life on life's terms and curl quietly into the darkness of slumber. There, coiled among downed blankets, gray shadows and intimates smells, I can stay the course until relief eases its way into my mind, my being, my soul.
This is true for migraines and for the pains of living in a malformed world with less than the purest of intent.
Good Night.
Labels: adventures, feelings
Posted by: Theophany at 8:30 PM
|
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Haunting Heritage
Below is a direct quote of a letter sent from my mother to my daughter who is studing abroad this semester. The content of the letter is exactly as she wrote it. The names have not been change. There are none innocent to protect.
"A few lines to let you know we are thinking of you and loving you.
Your Dad spent the weekend with us when you were in Paris. and I just had a great time.
We are still doing the same things. Granddaddy and Nana loves your emails. I print them out and give them to them. They are happy you are seeing the world and think you are the greatest.
Joe Gordon and his family brought the house next door so we are having lots of activity. They first cut the pine trees down, are removing the fireplace ( bricks sound loud hitting a metal dumpster) and they are fixing things inside. Guess they will move in when finished. Seem like a nice young couple.
We built a ramp for Granddaddy Benton and we are in progress of getting an electric wheelchair. He is weaker and needs this.
Bobby and Granddaddy Cox are fishing in the river and hunting.
Granddaddy has already kill 5 deer. He is going today to give some of his sisters deer as they love the meat and t hey don't have anyone to hunt for them.
Talked to Nichole a few days ago and she seemed happy. She has moved into a trailer on the land where she was borned.
Pam is better all bones are healing, but no job yet.
Bobby and his family are doing great. and said tell you hello. Bobby read the email about Paris and loved it. (you might think of being a
writer)
Lisa and her family are well. Branton has really grown and smiles all the time he is really cute I'll attach a picture.
I am well and still on the black and red quilt. I might still be on it next year.
The weather here is still like summer in the 80's and 90's.
Got to go, keep in touch and have fun. love you Grandmother and Granddaddy"
Heritage is a scary thing.
Posted by: Theophany at 9:13 PM
|
Below is a direct quote of a letter sent from my mother to my daughter who is studing abroad this semester. The content of the letter is exactly as she wrote it. The names have not been change. There are none innocent to protect.
"A few lines to let you know we are thinking of you and loving you.
Your Dad spent the weekend with us when you were in Paris. and I just had a great time.
We are still doing the same things. Granddaddy and Nana loves your emails. I print them out and give them to them. They are happy you are seeing the world and think you are the greatest.
Joe Gordon and his family brought the house next door so we are having lots of activity. They first cut the pine trees down, are removing the fireplace ( bricks sound loud hitting a metal dumpster) and they are fixing things inside. Guess they will move in when finished. Seem like a nice young couple.
We built a ramp for Granddaddy Benton and we are in progress of getting an electric wheelchair. He is weaker and needs this.
Bobby and Granddaddy Cox are fishing in the river and hunting.
Granddaddy has already kill 5 deer. He is going today to give some of his sisters deer as they love the meat and t hey don't have anyone to hunt for them.
Talked to Nichole a few days ago and she seemed happy. She has moved into a trailer on the land where she was borned.
Pam is better all bones are healing, but no job yet.
Bobby and his family are doing great. and said tell you hello. Bobby read the email about Paris and loved it. (you might think of being a
writer)
Lisa and her family are well. Branton has really grown and smiles all the time he is really cute I'll attach a picture.
I am well and still on the black and red quilt. I might still be on it next year.
The weather here is still like summer in the 80's and 90's.
Got to go, keep in touch and have fun. love you Grandmother and Granddaddy"
Heritage is a scary thing.
Posted by: Theophany at 9:13 PM
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Wednesday, October 17, 2007
A Love Remembered
You would, no doubt remember me for we did share some significant moments of our lives together. We dated. We kissed and even passionately touched. We never made love. We never had sex. You always kept me at some distance and I always wanted you, desired you, and needed you.
I remember most the way you held my hand. It was sensual, intense the way you would stroke your fingers along mine, caressing my skin. I remember how you laughed and smiled. I remember watching you play your sport, animal-like, sweating with each sprint and swing. I remember how you were never able to tame your hair.
You would remember some things about me, I am sure, but I am also sure that the piece of my heart that you own is held by you without knowledge or even agreement. I still smile inside when I think of you. Thank you, Erin, for delighting me eternally.
Posted by: Theophany at 10:14 PM
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You would, no doubt remember me for we did share some significant moments of our lives together. We dated. We kissed and even passionately touched. We never made love. We never had sex. You always kept me at some distance and I always wanted you, desired you, and needed you.
I remember most the way you held my hand. It was sensual, intense the way you would stroke your fingers along mine, caressing my skin. I remember how you laughed and smiled. I remember watching you play your sport, animal-like, sweating with each sprint and swing. I remember how you were never able to tame your hair.
You would remember some things about me, I am sure, but I am also sure that the piece of my heart that you own is held by you without knowledge or even agreement. I still smile inside when I think of you. Thank you, Erin, for delighting me eternally.
Labels: feelings
Posted by: Theophany at 10:14 PM
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Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Pinked
This is one of the most poignant videos that I have seen in a while.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:26 PM
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This is one of the most poignant videos that I have seen in a while.
Labels: feelings
Posted by: Theophany at 8:26 PM
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Monday, September 24, 2007
New Record
The amazing art of SPAM has hit a new level. I recieved 1,600+ spam emails today to one of my old email addresses. I guess it is time to shut that one down.
On the brighter side. I have discovered Skype and have been talking to my daughter in Spain via this wonderful FREE service.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:12 PM
|
The amazing art of SPAM has hit a new level. I recieved 1,600+ spam emails today to one of my old email addresses. I guess it is time to shut that one down.
On the brighter side. I have discovered Skype and have been talking to my daughter in Spain via this wonderful FREE service.
Posted by: Theophany at 8:12 PM
|
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Talons, Fist and Teeth
I close my eyes. The breath gently flitters in and then out. I am there.
My meadow beneath me, again, welcomes me home. I raise my fist to the sky and he comes. I need not even look upward for I feel the familiar tearing of my flesh as he settles, talons grasping into my fist. The pain screams within and I welcome the greeting of my ancient friend. The blood streams briefly and stops as talon and flesh merge. I heal.
She strolls to my side, her weight leaning against my thigh. I lower my free hand and find her fur, thick and hot upon her neck. Kneeling, I wrap my arm around her and lower my face into hers, breathing deep upon her myriad of smells: scents of death, decay and fresh blood. I so love her essential primitiveness.
Now we are one, us three. I miss them when I cannot imagine.
Posted by: Theophany at 7:32 PM
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I close my eyes. The breath gently flitters in and then out. I am there.
My meadow beneath me, again, welcomes me home. I raise my fist to the sky and he comes. I need not even look upward for I feel the familiar tearing of my flesh as he settles, talons grasping into my fist. The pain screams within and I welcome the greeting of my ancient friend. The blood streams briefly and stops as talon and flesh merge. I heal.
She strolls to my side, her weight leaning against my thigh. I lower my free hand and find her fur, thick and hot upon her neck. Kneeling, I wrap my arm around her and lower my face into hers, breathing deep upon her myriad of smells: scents of death, decay and fresh blood. I so love her essential primitiveness.
Now we are one, us three. I miss them when I cannot imagine.
Posted by: Theophany at 7:32 PM
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Thursday, August 30, 2007
Parenting
son, while it may be true that we come to realize that we have failed to embrace the opportunities set so lovingly before us, we must acknowledge that we have been beset and seized by our own bindings. such shackles and mire may have, to this point, held us fast to our own mediocrity. this truth directs us to love our failure and forgive ourselves. we travel from such limitations through the pain and angst of struggling free and into our personal liberty.
today, you have become more aware of such limitations and thus of the fresh and vital opportunity that awaits you. Carpe diem is often misquoted as "seize the day." a better rendering of it is to "gather the day." gathering the day is both a reference to making order of the day(to gather it together) and harvesting the day. the implication is that all that we need is robustly present and waiting. it is therefore our destiny, our very calling to claim each day unto us. such effort is most often the assembly of simple, singular, seemingly routine tasks. such effort does, eventually, result in the very real manifestation of our dreams.
just for today, my son, may you renew yourself and simply do the next right thing. Carpe diem!
i love you, son.
Posted by: Theophany at 4:45 PM
|
son, while it may be true that we come to realize that we have failed to embrace the opportunities set so lovingly before us, we must acknowledge that we have been beset and seized by our own bindings. such shackles and mire may have, to this point, held us fast to our own mediocrity. this truth directs us to love our failure and forgive ourselves. we travel from such limitations through the pain and angst of struggling free and into our personal liberty.
today, you have become more aware of such limitations and thus of the fresh and vital opportunity that awaits you. Carpe diem is often misquoted as "seize the day." a better rendering of it is to "gather the day." gathering the day is both a reference to making order of the day(to gather it together) and harvesting the day. the implication is that all that we need is robustly present and waiting. it is therefore our destiny, our very calling to claim each day unto us. such effort is most often the assembly of simple, singular, seemingly routine tasks. such effort does, eventually, result in the very real manifestation of our dreams.
just for today, my son, may you renew yourself and simply do the next right thing. Carpe diem!
i love you, son.
Posted by: Theophany at 4:45 PM
|
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Old Sheets and Old Dreams
In my bed
time
remembering
the lines, creases, cravings
gone
the stains, pools, smells
faded
the longings, needs, desires
remain
i wish i could forget
-Theo
Obviously, I've been over at Alcoholic Poet's, again.
Posted by: Theophany at 5:52 PM
|
In my bed
time
remembering
the lines, creases, cravings
gone
the stains, pools, smells
faded
the longings, needs, desires
remain
i wish i could forget
-Theo
Obviously, I've been over at Alcoholic Poet's, again.
Posted by: Theophany at 5:52 PM
|
Friday, August 10, 2007
Mundane
My day tomorrow will consist of mowing the lawn and getting a hair cut. After these tasks, I will be tired and no doubt spend the rest of the day watching some TV and/or apathetically clicking my way through blogs.
I cannot express how desperate I am for some passionate encounter to bring some wonderfully distracting zip to my existence. Is this what life has come to?
Mundane Me
There is a dampness
A cold, mildewed deposit
Resting on me
Testing me
It clings and twists
Entwining, cellular piercings
Into my self
Loathing me
I want to be free of
this...me
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 4:29 PM
|
My day tomorrow will consist of mowing the lawn and getting a hair cut. After these tasks, I will be tired and no doubt spend the rest of the day watching some TV and/or apathetically clicking my way through blogs.
I cannot express how desperate I am for some passionate encounter to bring some wonderfully distracting zip to my existence. Is this what life has come to?
Mundane Me
There is a dampness
A cold, mildewed deposit
Resting on me
Testing me
It clings and twists
Entwining, cellular piercings
Into my self
Loathing me
I want to be free of
this...me
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 4:29 PM
|
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Questionable Conviction
The pounding of shallow theology imposes unbearable constraints
Christian rocker
Leaves hanging, strung out
Entwined by discordant beliefs and strangling doctrine
Sweet screamer
Hung here
Ravens of sorrow tear
Impending wounds bleed
Inevitable
Complexity troubles certainty
Endlessly taunting while seconds tick
A-Cross tender, gaping places and broken faiths
Nailed eternally
To
Timbers and sinew of
Discontent
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 9:12 PM
|
The pounding of shallow theology imposes unbearable constraints
Christian rocker
Leaves hanging, strung out
Entwined by discordant beliefs and strangling doctrine
Sweet screamer
Hung here
Ravens of sorrow tear
Impending wounds bleed
Inevitable
Complexity troubles certainty
Endlessly taunting while seconds tick
A-Cross tender, gaping places and broken faiths
Nailed eternally
To
Timbers and sinew of
Discontent
-Theo
Posted by: Theophany at 9:12 PM
|
Monday, July 23, 2007
Fanciful Disaster
There was a moment of inspiration just now.
Something flickered across my mind, an awareness of dissatisfaction with life - my life. I remember standing on the railing a top the tallest building, exhausted from the battle to get there. I could see my feet, bare, spatulated as they clung to the railing at the edge of it all. I felt the familiar ache of my joints as they urgently worked to stretch for balance, extending to lengths and measures long forgotten with the passing of years. I knew -what was it? - I knew that this life was void of any real and enduring victory. I remember the clear and final choice to fall, to plummet eternally downward and land in mediocrity.
Strange. Why did I feel that I had ascended to anything but?
Posted by: Theophany at 8:57 PM
|
There was a moment of inspiration just now.
Something flickered across my mind, an awareness of dissatisfaction with life - my life. I remember standing on the railing a top the tallest building, exhausted from the battle to get there. I could see my feet, bare, spatulated as they clung to the railing at the edge of it all. I felt the familiar ache of my joints as they urgently worked to stretch for balance, extending to lengths and measures long forgotten with the passing of years. I knew -what was it? - I knew that this life was void of any real and enduring victory. I remember the clear and final choice to fall, to plummet eternally downward and land in mediocrity.
Strange. Why did I feel that I had ascended to anything but?
Posted by: Theophany at 8:57 PM
|
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Self Care and Self Sacrifice?
interestingly enough, i was kind to myself today. simply, today was better.
i found that my interactions with others were less about my need for approval and more about helping others. today i felt useful, attentive, and available to others. strange that this all became possible with my focus on being kind to me.
there was a time in my life when i equated self care with selfishness. i acted on the belief that to give others what they wanted and to act as others desired was to be caring and spiritual. i mistakenly took my need for approval seeking behavior as some sort of spiritual principal, some kind of higher action of selflessness.
i can, and do sometimes lapse into this way of being. i have also discovered that, just for me, self care is a much purer mode of selflessness. as strange as it sounds, i now know that it is only from the place of self care and balance that i can choose to give that up for the good of another. we can only give away what ewe have.
another wandering through my mind done.
Posted by: Theophany at 9:41 PM
|
interestingly enough, i was kind to myself today. simply, today was better.
i found that my interactions with others were less about my need for approval and more about helping others. today i felt useful, attentive, and available to others. strange that this all became possible with my focus on being kind to me.
there was a time in my life when i equated self care with selfishness. i acted on the belief that to give others what they wanted and to act as others desired was to be caring and spiritual. i mistakenly took my need for approval seeking behavior as some sort of spiritual principal, some kind of higher action of selflessness.
i can, and do sometimes lapse into this way of being. i have also discovered that, just for me, self care is a much purer mode of selflessness. as strange as it sounds, i now know that it is only from the place of self care and balance that i can choose to give that up for the good of another. we can only give away what ewe have.
another wandering through my mind done.
Labels: feelings
Posted by: Theophany at 9:41 PM
|
Monday, May 14, 2007
Sigh of Defeat
I am way tired of life today. Simple. Truth.
I will finish this day and be productive. I will sleep tonight. Sleep. That will be the beginning of the new day as this one will be punctuated with a "i don't give a crap" sigh of defeat.
Tomorrow I will start over. I will set a few goals, modest ones. I will be productive.
Most of all, I will be kind to myself tomorrow.
Fuck. I am discouraged today.
Posted by: Theophany at 9:25 PM
|
I am way tired of life today. Simple. Truth.
I will finish this day and be productive. I will sleep tonight. Sleep. That will be the beginning of the new day as this one will be punctuated with a "i don't give a crap" sigh of defeat.
Tomorrow I will start over. I will set a few goals, modest ones. I will be productive.
Most of all, I will be kind to myself tomorrow.
Fuck. I am discouraged today.
Labels: feelings
Posted by: Theophany at 9:25 PM
|